This post is from a series here I did a while back called Coffee Vocab
Serving me a simple cup of coffee is no picnic. I have drank black coffee since I was 22 (I don’t know why but lately I feel this inner need to articlulate to strangers just how old I am. It certainly isn’t to brag, my birtrhday is in June, and I am no spring chicken. – I was born in the last year of the 1960’s there, is that less tacky?) Anyway, I got a Starbucks this morning. Same thing as always . . . Hot Coffee type barista hottie says: “Can I help you?” I reply:
“Yes I’ll have a (straining to see the example cup size display to remember what medium is called at SB’s) A GRANDE mild coffee of the day.”
I always ask for mild because I used to work in a coffee house and what they teach you there is that the mild beans have more caffeine. Most people think when they say the word “strong” they are getting more caffeine . . . not the case.
To which she will add: “Room for cream sir?” and I always quickly respond determinedly aphoristically: “NO NO ROOM FOR THAT.” I do make up for my old-man like ordering with a dollar tip. I always leave a buck, just my thing. Karma? Nahhh. I just know their job sucks, and . . . my final reason:
Finally I give her one last “old man” styled quip: “Now is this thick?” I ask the girl, “Cuz if I can’t chew it (my line goes) I don’t pay for it .”
Now you know what the buck makes up for.