How do you face change? When you are told at work there will be new ways fo doing things, do you cringe or do you get eager to find out what they are? With your spouse, when they sit you down and say they have something difficult to tell you do you cringe or do you get curious to hear what it is? I have found that adversity has one of two effects on people at work and in relationships. Let me explain them and you can decide where you stand.
One response to adversity is to ignore it. Playing aloof about the need for change is like ether, it puts a person to sleep and retards growth. At work these people react with phrases like: “Oh well, just another thing” -or- “I’m not going to do that” -or- (my personal favorite) “I already know and do all that.” These people are frozen in the past unable to change their habits and energies to be in sync with “now.” In relationships these people ignore issues of failing intimacy and assume they are right all the time. If their partner is passive and enjoys abuse of this nature, they will stay and enable the person. On the other hand, the spouse may not be so forgiving and she/he may leave the marriage. The ignorant person will make excuses for their lack of action. They will refuse to see the need for change as an opportunity to be happier in the relationship and instead … blame the other one.
The much better response to change at work or at home is what I call the “willing to work on it” attitude. When the boss explains everything will be changing, this person doesn’t have to me gung ho but they can show interest by being willing to work on it. People like this thrive in life and relationships. They don’t die when the old model of business and relations fails. They continue learning, growing, and moving outside their comfort zone*. In fact, they learn to feel relatively comfortable outside of their comfort zone. It’s quite a feat but with effort, most anyone can attain it. In a marriage, this type of person is always reminding her/his spouse that she/he cares and is willing to change as needed. There is a bit of stress here but that is not always a bad thing. The person who is “willing to work on it” will be respected more in the long run. She/he will also be far more trusted and thereby entrusted with the treasures of work and home.