Silly Pet Peeve
A few of you may know that I was a single mom for four years. By single mom I mean I raised my son on my own. No government assistance, no handouts from others, no free programs which covered daycare, and no help from another parent. Single by every definition. Therefore the burden fell on me to handle it all. Not just finances, but the whole kit-n-kaboodle. Discipline, morals, entertainment, and transportation. It didn’t leave much room for change in jobs as I had to match schedules and required a specific income.
Now, my point in explaining all of this is not for any pats on the back or otherwise as I have been truly blessed from the beginning with supportive friends and family and have no regrets in how my life has turned out, however recently I have begun to hear the term “single mom” used very loosely. It has turned into an annoying pet peeve of mine to hear a woman with a child (or children) who have separated from their partners calling themselves single moms. Meanwhile they have weekends off, financial assistance, or a simple person to call on when things aren’t going so well. Weather you hate your ex or not, if they are still in the picture and participating, you are not a single parent, it’s called co parenting. I can see that doing it from sepparate house while you are taking on the bulk of the burden may stink, but it is still not single parenting.
Single moms do not get weekends off without finding childcare, and that is a rare event. It isn’t something that happens every week, or even every other week. If you hate your job, you can’t just quit because you are the only source of income. Unless you have exceptional childcare, there is no one to call on when you have unplanned changes in scheduling. If your kid gets hurt, or in trouble, no one else is there to call on for help or to lessen the burden by having another parent to bounce it off. Granted, having a second parent doesn’t mean that all your troubles are solved, as I am certain I was better off raising my son on my own than having his loser father in the picture. I am simply saying if you have a somewhat involved second parent in the picture who cares for his kid(s), then stop calling yourself a single mom and count your blessings that you can come up for air sometimes.
carrie--the gremlin wrangler responds:
Posted: November 20th, 2007 at 10:42 pm →
I agree.
BTW–where the heck have you been? I’ve missed reading your posts.
have a good holiday!
Marcia responds:
Posted: November 24th, 2007 at 2:56 pm →
I never honestly thought of it that way, good point.
Jessica The Rock Chick responds:
Posted: November 25th, 2007 at 9:44 am →
Great point! This used to bug my mom to no end. My father died when I was young and my mom was it. One of my mom’s best friends at the time was divorced, but her ex-husband completely supported her so she could keep the house, stay home with the kids, etc. He even came over and cooked meals for all of them for the entire week ahead of time. They were wealthy people, but she used to call my mom all the time and moan about being a “single parent” thinking my mother would want to listen to that.
I totally agree. Single parent definitely means you are on your own!
Jessica
Rosemarie responds:
Posted: December 2nd, 2007 at 7:46 pm →
I understand your frustration, but somehow the term “single parent” has evolved to include other scenarios as well.
Definition
Single-parent families are families with children under age 18 headed by a parent who is widowed or divorced and not remarried, or by a parent who has never married.
My mother raised three girls alone until we left home as adults. It wasn’t an easy road, but I’m so thankful she made the sacrifices.
Your son will be just as grateful if not more for your diligence and hard work.